Father wonders why I never tell him shit.

When I tell him about what I have been/will be doing, he's unresponsive.

When anything bad happens and he is told, he tells me off. Doesn't look very much like he cares about how I am doing and care more about what I have done wrong.

Father wonders why I never tell him shit.

Seriously not cool.

Father resorted to insulting my lack of psychology spirit when I refused to discuss certain family situations with him.

Oh Father, how little you know I do this because I am disgusted with how my thoughts have become tainted from you and just don't want to encourage this.

And for once you're not about to rile me up just by calling me names.

Emmense hate for my uterus right now.

So. Much. Hate.

The hurt...IT DOESN"T STOOOOP

First it was healthy hurt
Then it was sickly hurt
Now it's the "womenly woes" kind of hurt.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ow.

Cannot sleep cannot sleep cannot sleep cannot sleep
worried
sick
worried
unsettled
worried
cannot sleep

Seems like nothing good ever comes out of waiting these days.

I keep doing it anyway.

Itchy

All the fucking time.

Stings when I move, stings when I wash.

Have been waking up in the middle of the night finding myself relieving my itchy hands, scratching them and the blisters up. Also haven't been able to sleep unless both hands are curled around my bed's metal frame to make the itching less noticiable. This is probably why I dislike warm hands on myself--either something's wrong or i'm too warm--it's never good.

About what I said before about getting thinner--that's a complete lie. I'm fatter and more disgusting than ever. With a worsening temper and dulling outlook on life. Don't understand how some puts up with it. I certainly wouldn't want to have much to do with myself.

Thought appetite came back, but instead learned a valuable lesson on the difference between "appetite" and "not trying to throw up". Stomach still not liking the amount of starch consumed--still struggling to deal with the load of mostly rice and choy sum six hours later.

Oh well, involuntary but not entirely unwelcomed diet time! Plus it might have misdirected/wrongly explained an otherwise slightly sticky situationa little while ago, so other than not able to enjoy the past few days' good food, is not so bad at all.

Was told to have looked thinner already. Suppose that's what three days of quartered food intake would do.