Confession: I have a criminally intense interest in people. At the utmost general, trying to understand people and their thoughts and behaviours is why I'm studying what I am studying now. In the utmost specific, I have a drive to know about the processes and history of ones closest to me.

Problem: I don't like committing nosey acts, but nor do I understand the socially acceptable line between caring/casual inquiries about close friends and snooping. Perhaps my tendency to keep to myself plays a part.

Fear: But the intense curiosity about closer others sometimes eats away at me. I do not have much in the way of drama and life (and I seek to avoid it), What if I lose control over my curiosity and went too far?

No, absence of awareness of my inquires should not be a justification.

Misdemeanor: My legs shook with guilt of my weakness and tightening of innards from the blurred boundary between sadness and pull of curiosity, tinged with jealousy of more the capability of feelings and daring and than of the history themselves.

Sometimes I wonder if there's really something differently constructed about me in that minute way that makes it hard for me to truly be comfortable talking about the important things. Put enough trust in others to being understanding, non-judgemental, and believe that they care enough. Because most often, there's always this twinge of mistrust from me, projected onto others.

I fear non-acceptance when I am unattached.
I fear loss and instability of that sole source when I am.

Invariably, everything becomes a quest about the inadequacies of the self. Properties, behaviours, abilities, capabilities...there's always a lack of a certain something.

And always with an oxymoronic fear and disgust about my egoistic and juvenile preoccupying thoughts.

Hunger

It is surprisingly easy to not eat, or at least not eat a lot, once you start.

Surprisingly easy, but it is still uncomfortable and detrimental to studying.

Posting this on a class discussion board is probably a bad idea, but nonetheless done.

---Christina said on 04/12/2007 20:55:04:---

i know this may sound awkward.. but is having acne or pimples is becuase that there is traffics and cause proteins can't go through the cell/plasma membrane?



---PcBY said on 04/12/2007 22:03:59:---

I thought it was because the blocked pores are infected. From what I've read, however, it seems that most kinds of acne is caused by some kind of narrowing of pore opening, resulting in blocked pores, preventing things that need to be excreted from being eliminated, which may or may not result in inflammation.

(This next paragraph got a little out of hand, the more I type.)
If proteins cannot go through the membrane, wouldn't lysosomes get rid of that excess stuff? If it doesn't, then the cell would burst from so much un-shipped goods (like viruses bursting out of a cell—just lovely). And then? Maybe the dead cells provide a great place for bacterial breeding...Further speculations down this road seems more strange, because if acne is caused by dead cells exploding, then what is causing them to explode throughout the area of effect (usually the face, but sometimes on other parts as well), in a rather well spaced-out manner? (Imagination plus not enough knowledge on the subject goes a long way.)

In any case, whatever that's causing acne would most likely travel by vesticles to the outside of the cell, so unless there is some serious mislabeling, not getting out seems to be a pretty unusual thing to me.

...(facepaw.)