Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

14 March 2015

In RL, I do better than I probably look

A few months ago I got a comment on an old post.

"Dude your blog is NUTS and that's not a good thing."
Oops.

Hahha. Yeah, oops.

Sorry dude, I really only used this place as a place of wallowing in the muddy depths of depression when I don't have a good person to complain to anymore, and besides the fact that I'm doing much better mentally, if something is minor I do have someone now to get that out to so it doesn't fester.

This place back when I started was a fangirling space because I really wasn't comfortable with any other space I found. That phase came and went and I abandoned it a bit as I found some other fandom spaces I could lurk in. Then I came back and used this as a semi-public place akin to screaming towards the ocean, all the way into a scary time in the mental sinkhole I'm still afraid of falling back into, and all the way out of it.

It looks like chronicle of someone who never got better, but the story is pretty biased, the recent bits are only sporadic potholes in the grand scheme of "doing pretty okay".

Life's far, far from perfect—I'm quite underpaid with a skill no one in the industry respects; I don't know what the loving fuck I'm doing with my life; I'm essentially renting the house I grew up in, burdened by all the things my parents left behind when they moved overseas, unable to move out because of obligations and having no money; My health is sub-optimal and has a handful of daily discomforts and inconveniences; Talking/thinking about jobs and careers and how little I'm earning gives me fucking anxiety and feeling like a disappointment—but I'm 90% functional and not trapped in a depressive spiral. I hate my body, but probably not more than one standard deviation away from the average women. (Having someone to tell me a highly realistic solution every time I try to use that as a springboard to the whirlpool of shit probably helped.)

So yeah, the past several years here is a record of just the cesspool. In regards to health I'm definitely a little desensitized at this point. The rest is pretty okay.

I know I have some escape ropes in my backpack now.

06 September 2011

Marketable skills

I has none.

Rather, all my potential marketable skills are all very unremarkable and noncompetitive. If you consider the combination of skills, however, I may be slightly more unique—slightly. Who would want someone with a skill set like this anyway?

In other news, I walked past $10 on the ground and failed to pick it up. A second later a kid noticed it and it was gone. One can say that maybe it's not meant to be mine, but I actually really could use that money. I'm about $200 in my accounts and 20k in debt, with no job.

I'm poor, guys; don't bother robbing me.

05 July 2007

Summer, the thrid week

It has been too long since I wrote, especially since life these days have been far from dull. So let's review what I've been doing for the past three weeks in reverse chronological order, shall we?

Tomorrow will mark the fourth day, and the completion of a week's worth of real work for PcBY. During these three (half) days I have already developed a healthy dislike fo stacks of rolled up paper and their abominably sharp edges :D

Several things factor into these...unfortunate, minor, seriously annoying injuries: 1) I have dry hands (cannot hydrate herself enough); 2) My layer of dead skin cells is too thin (does not work with her hands enough); 3) I am careless (clumsiness have no excuses); 4) I roll and unroll large rolls of paper constantly (teehee, almost rewrote this bit), and; 5) Clay makes my hands dry.

Other than paper cuts, work is pretty dull. It mainly consists of opening long, dusty, oblong boxes containing roll(s) of drawings of dead (old) projects, sorting through them, deciding which ones are already archived in files, scan in the ones that aren't (i.e. hand drawings, wetstamped drawings, etc.), and picking up after myself (collapse boxes, roll papers back up to throw them away, etc.). Let's just say that this job is quite a lot more physical than I thought. Jeff, on the other hand, seems to be doing much more technical things, even if it is just constructing new shelves, design, shop, build, and all (jealous jealous).

In the afternoons I attend a ceramics class in CSM, which lasts four hours. They give us 30 minutes of break, taken whenever, so I tend to get there late (stupid public transportation). Throwing is the most awesome yet; it is messy, difficult, and make my muscles ached the first couple of times, but while it is still difficult, I have come to enjoy the steady, slow movements and firm yet gentle ways of handling clay on a potter's wheel. I am still horrible at pulling the clay up (and I blame the shape of my fingers for that), but bowls are okay. Cups should be within my abilities too..perhaps I will try that next...then a plate (saucer?)...I wonder if I can get good enough to throw a teapot in a week and a half. The handle for the one at home is broken.

Oh, I have made figurines too; I just need to make up my mind on how to paint the underglaze =\ The other day we made face molds—we made a mold of our faces using this ...gel thing (it's the stuff they use at the orthodontists' to take the mold of your teeth, I think), then pour plaster in the mold. Paint a layer of latex on top of the plaster positive and make a mother mold negative, then use the latex and mother mold to make clay masks. I'm still fixing the plaster positive...and it really looks creepy, having my face all white and closed-eyed like that.

I hope I have time to finish all my required projects plus a couple more—this is a really rare chance for me. Perhaps I will think about taking ceramics again, whether in CSM or in Davis.

Relying on public transportations has given me a lot of time to read. I have finished Dune (finally) and is half way through Dune Messiah. Today Rory (ceramics instructor; makes pretty interesting, but rather morbid, sculptures) recommended a couple more too..Pinball and other works by that same author. I wonder when I will get to read Deathly Hallows? reserved a copy, but I'm kinda far down in the waiting list. Perhaps I will ask the parents to buy me a copy; mother seemed a little interested when we passed by borders yesterday. At the very least, she is not adverse to that concept.

As all my Chinese identifications have expired, father and I went to get another visa for me...and of course, a trip to Japan Town goes without being said. Lunch was pretty bad (shouldn't've gone to eat sushi), and I spent money on Loveless 7, a Betsu Hana to Yume and a Zerosum. And I have found a new shoujo to watch out over (it's been long!)—Otomen (乙男). Like, as in 乙女+男, lmao. It's completely outrageous and stereotypical (or the opposite of?), but the SPARKLES. The SPARKLES are hilarious (like Seiji in Tonari Monogatari/Parakisu! XD)

Oh, and I also went to re-take my permit test (the other one expired) and I didn't get perfect score. Cannot be helped, since father told me to go just the night before and I had no time to study `0`;;; (excuses.)

...I have chickened out of driving practices after the third time, when I freaked out and went a little hysterical. Uhh...I was a little tired a the time >___<;;;;;

Surely there's more than this, but I'm slowly exhausting the last of my energies...tomorrow's a full day of work.

Next time: Doctor Who, Planet Earth, Paradise Kiss, Sailor Moon, Shrek the Third, and stuff.