Apparently that was not the bottom

Shitty day turned into shitty weekend lead into shitty house situation lead into shittier day lead to shitty food.

Everything has been shitty. I really can't name anything that made me happy in the past week.

Temporarily amused, yes. Good mood? No, not by far.

Guilt.

Everywhere, around every corner
The direction does not matter.

Fuck I'm going to sound melodramatic but I have no other way to describe it

Sometimes the hate and the negativity pools and pools and the more I wrestle with it, the more it threatens to overwhelm me. But I can't let it spill out because no one deserves my shit. I may indulge it once or twice, excusing myself with possible pity given. But when a habit formed, it feels too much like I'm vengefully pulling in the one person I allow to come close. Guilt then rises up like swamp gas.

Sometimes, feel like I have too much nameless hate and frustration.

Distantly I recognise possible causes, reasons, repercussions.

I refuse to let it taint everything around me.

But I can't will it or reason it away.

I eat it up and let it eat me up.

The sludge sticks to my insides, thick, churning.

A wriggling, volatile mass that I don't know what to do with.

Crying is just indulging it; it solves nothing.

I live on Tumblr now

That is pretty much it.