I wish that am relatively decent at something capable of occupying my hands and thoughts during these sluggish and dispassionate spells. At least I won't feel so disengaged the moment my brain gives out on studying, learning, and reading.
Feels like the price of any chance of involvement is a huge quantity of energy and distance covered (and money)...and I've run out of steam. Really really want to keep it up, but I'm so tired of being the one going, even if it is a more ideal location. Don't have the endurance.
I have a hard time believing in the strength of bond that I was told still exists despite the distance and the lack of history. Bullshit, I wanted to scream.
ETA: He really didn't understand. But that's okay. I've conceded to my awkwardly skeptical views on social bonds long ago. That sounds depressing, but I'm not sure if that's better than saying I really just believe in my own unworthiness.
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