Never thought I would dread sleeping as I did, fearing the lack of control slumber brings.

Awake since 5:30, with only two hours of sleep.

The coughing, after the last four days of silent hell, is finally doing what it's supposed to do. Doesn't make it any less obnoxious, just much less hurty.

That said, I couldn't fall asleep until at least 03:15 last night due to coughing spasms that wouldn't go away.

Then at 05:00 I woke up finding myself clawing fiercely at my fingers and wrist, unable to stop myself, feeling the hundreds of blisters on my fingers pop and the liquid inside coating my fingers.

Half an hour later I quelled the urge to scratch and laid my hands above my bed covers, idly considering the possibility of getting Elizabethan collars for my hands. My coughing spasms resumed soon after due to my uncovered throat and sternum, at which point I thought since I don't seem to be too tired, screw this. Not going to chance waking up scratching up myself again today.

Tiredness is pressing on my forehead now; maybe I will go take a nap sometime this afternoon.

I'm tired of my disabled hands. I can't do much when they're this swollen from inflammation. I also can't do much studying with this lack of sleep, either.

But I'm almost scared of sleeping and what it not brings.