Maybe life would be better for everyone if I just stop understanding and respond as my own emotions dictate. Maybe it'd be better if I don't pay attention, if I don't observe these things and care.
Perhaps there is merit in being a clueless women after all.
Witnessed, but helpless. Can do nothing but watch as they lead themselves to fail, agonizing all the while. I agonize with them.
Watching people brining themselves to ruins hurts. Any attempt to help is futile. It will only result in ruined bonds and an dark ache for me.
Like an uphill battle all the time. Between self and envy and others and habits and consciousness and discipline and want. And loathing of my own powerlessness, my weakness, my dependency, my easily permeable pathos.
Some time between age 10 and now, I have stopped living for my toys, stopped living for my self, and only living for my parents.
Most people really won't try to hurt themselves that badly. If that's how you see things, chances are, you don't completely understand them or their motivations. And a lot of the time, understanding people so fully isn't really possible. You do have to sort of trust that other people know what they're doing, rather than applying your own standards to everyone else. I won't stop others from eating pineapples or watermelons because I want to prevent their mouths from being hurt because I recognize that most people don't mind something like that. It's not even that they don't mind the pain, or that they think it's outweighed by other factors, but they're not even hurt by it. It's not something strange or unbelievable, it's just a natural result of people being different.
ReplyDeleteWhich isn't to say that you should stop caring about other people and just let them do whatever they want. Well. Depends on the person, I guess. You just have to know what to care about. And of course, I'm not a fan of giving up just because things are hard.
Merit to being clueless? They say that ignorant people are happy because they're unaware of their own ignorance, and fewer things bother them. But that question's probably more complicated than you give it credit for.
It seems that your stealthiness paid off not only in sharing in the couple's happiness, but also in adding yet more skills to your growing repertoire.
ReplyDeletegood habits & Conscious living