My self hatred is not unfounded. It makes perfect sense. Whether I decide to do something or doesn't do something makes me wonder if I shouldn't have or should have later no. So either way, I second guess myself. I know there's nothing I can do to change it, but I can't help it.
Because I can make mistakes any way I choose.
And I hate myself for it.
Sometimes I don't think about it. I tell myself and everybody that it's alright, I'm not worried. It helps, sometimes.
I'm afraid of myself and what I can do. Stehapnie said everybody now is fake because they don't have an identity anymore. What if my identity is fake to begin with? Then does it still matter?
Some people are what they are. I'm envious of them.
I know I'm selfish, annoying, and all other things. So I hide them. It might've helped. But now I'm afraid that once anybody sees...they'll leave.
I keep thinking, "be careful. You don't deserve this, so don't take it for granted."
This stuff is not making any sense. Hunger is preventing me from even angsting properly.
(Obligatory)
ReplyDeleteIf you tell yourself that there's nothing you can do to change it...then of course you won't change.
There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, they say.