Oh, I know exactly how I got into this state of mind. And frankly, the
simplest solution would be the Esc key. If only I had a key like that.
These things are becoming not worth my attention, my energy, none of it is
anymore. Perhaps the problem is my own—others certainly don't seem to have
problems like mine...well, then again, others certainly aren't
[stupid, timid, lost, nosy] enough to pursue a solution to prevent
themselves from getting into my situation.
I'm at the end of my tolerance. Oh, surely, I've been managing for a while.
Even that is getting to be too tiresome now. I'm not understanding, I'm not
caring, I'm not kind, I'm not patient, and I'm fucking socially awkward.
I'm afraid of criticisms, rejections, and hated looks.
I can't help even if I want to.
Everything more than staying quiet and offer acknowledgment will ruin
things, I'm sure.
And the biggest problem of all: I can't fucking stop asserting myself
somehow. Can't fucking stay away, can't NOT DO ANYTHING AND SEE IT MANIFEST
AND GROW AND FESTER AND DECOMPOSE.
Yet it's what I've been trying to do all this time.
And it's killing me.
I feel dead.
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