イチ。
I've been thinking that, if I ever get around to making new layouts, I should move this blog to a new address.

Layouts, domain, business, designs...gah! My brain is itching to not study for the two finals tomorrow!

に。
Of course I go hunt for newest chaptres of manga in Japanese, then try to read them with the help of a dictionary, on the nights before finals.

Surprisingly, it wasn't too hard.

Would it be too ambitious to try an itsy bitsy bit on novels now? (Probably, but that's not going to stop me, is it. The finals aren't, so what can?)

News: H.M. Dies at 82

■ H. M., an Unforgettable Amnesiac, Dies at 82

By BENEDICT CAREY
Published: December 5, 2008
Henry Gustav Molaison, or H.M., was recognized as the most important patient in the history of brain science.

My Human Memories professor had H.M.'s obituary, written by Dr. Corken(?), but it seems that only the NYTimes and AP versions are available.

Breaking from the results of procrastination.

ハイ、お久しぶりです。日本語はもう中々忘れてしまった様ですね。

Yes, I am currently in the middle of suffering from my completely, guiltily conscious and self-inflicted results of my avoidance problems. 

Yes, I am currently in the realm of 'I'm screwed and is past the redemption point, shit.' 

[Redemption at Amazon 

Low prices on Redemption. Qualified orders over $25 ship free]

Right, if only. 

But even I know I should stop for a bit (and probably should go shower) when I start hovering and squinting at the screen from less than twenty centimeters away. ('Six inches' sounds shorter, but I am attempting to rebel against American acculturation.)

'Twas going to say 'I'm such an 'effing wreck,' but on second thought, I can do worse. I really can. My study ethics are just completely down the drain, probably wrecking havoc on my transcripts. (I am too scared to check.) 

What with all the familial and social turmoil since last year this time, I think I feel drained. 

(I can never tell, until I look back and say, 'wow, what a deep, dark pit I was in, and am I still shaking off the reminants of shadows?')

My enthusiasm for persuing the cognition-intensive is dwindling. The drive for the pursue of perfection seemed to have been weakening since, oh, about three-and-a-half years ago. Seems like a very, very long time ago. In my young age, though, perhaps it is. It was 17% of my life ago, after all. That's close enough to one fifth, isn't it?

The way I cannot even consider admitting and write about some things until it's early morning and when time is tight (actually, I've given up on submitting it with full points attached).

(Not lying to yourself is painful. Physically percieving my own admittance to failure really, really hurts.

Why do I never fucking learn?)

Now that my skin is much more comfortable to live in, it's really time I work on not being a coward, face my shortcomings, battle against those terrible habits of indolence, steer myself from taking the path of least resistance (really, you're better than protein in a sizing column!), and stop fobbing myself off thinking that 'this is good enough' or 'it's too late.' 

And remember that I disliked those qualities enough to hurt others with it. 

And remember that I hate those qualities in myself, every time I experience it. 

Work, amygdala, damn it! 

(Or maybe they are working; it's only I who learned the response wrongly.)

...I am so very afraid and unwilling to look into the future. I am tired and no longer sure of my goals. I have always overestimated myself in the worse moments. And then underestimate myself in the wrong moments. I am no longer sure, while people around me seem to be over their uncertainty and are moving fowards. 

How rotten must I be, questioning myself only as critical moments approach? 

Not putting thoughts into necessary consideration just because I didn't want to? 

Ha! How like me.

Sometimes (with a frightening increase in frequency) I wish for someone to go spoil to. But this is probably only because I feel (am?) displaced from a place of comfort and security. I fancy that to be not far from the truth. 

Saying I am like a kitten kicked out of home and made to fend for myself would be unfair to those who are more similar to that situation than I. 

Perhaps that is what Byakko felt in his short residency in my place of study. Unanchored. Dislodged. Uncertain. 

Assimilating my feelings as a cat's seems terribly like regression and retreat from the actual truth, doesn't it. I am doing more and more of it. It's avoidance to pacify myself; fooling myself into thinking problem further diagnosed and closer to recovery is something that served me well in the past. 

What wonderful habit with such wonderous personality. 

Commentary Venting Anger on Our New Aggie Cartoonists

Amongst other things, I really regret not at least trying to out-compete one or more of our school newspaper's cartoonist.

Why?

One artists' first comic strip ('Life in General') is about her not having any ideas for one and begging for love from readers. Comp

letely uncute and the egocentricity leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like those self-important kids in Gaia. The dialogue is too small (poorly planned out panels) and she places too much unnecessary details into the strip.

'CannDeeCorn' really irritated me probably because it is not even stupid. It's dull. Maybe the cartoonist is trying to do reflect school life and comment on attitude or something, but

 it didn't make sense; the students looks apathetic, not depressed! The simplicity and featureless style is not bad, but as a result, the details on the face, especially the mouth, stood out so much that it really bothers me. And there's not enough contrast between the focus (the prof.) and the mass (the students). And honestly, usually it's the back row that gets the shading, not the front. So the "..." in the back didn't stand out at all. Just, gah, no thought into it at all. So annoying thoughtless.

Yesterday's 'Iron Easily' is okay in the way chit-chat is okay—it's not funny or of substance, but it's very very mildly entertaining. At least it was zero rather than a negative. Because he used a slanted brush to line, doesn't systematically close his lines, draws everything in roundish free form, and no tone at all, had I had trouble distinguishing his furniture with his people.

'The Kids Aren't All Right' is not even worth commenting on. I'll pretend it doesn't exist.

Monday's 'Confounding Variables' is...in development. Style, planning, lining, printing,...everything. This is the first strip, but it reads like the readers are supposed to know what's going on already. Makes me think that she is a freshmen and this is her experience as the older sibling. Not cute. Especially when I believe that she's portraying herself as a wise older sib whom the younger seeks advice from. Not cute, not funny. I feel that something is missing between panel two and three. It'd probably benefit from some reaction from the younger sib before the older tells the younger to untie her. Oh, and the forehead bothers me, but that's a stylistic thing, so fine. (BTW, she's a sophomore in class standing.)

'Square One' is cute though. Teehee, secret weapon (is ten). It would be even better if she had some depth to her panels (crosshatches, shading, variation on line thickness) so it doesn't look as incomplete. But hey, best I've seen so far!

Other stuff: Hand-written dialogues are only fine if the artists' handwriting is like print. Like an architect's handwriting, with less swoosh. Or rather, consistent, unobtrusive, and doesn't stand out (as bad, messy, girly, fat, skinny, uneven, etc, etc.) I'm really sick of reading shoddy type. 'Nearing Acheron' was so much more pleasant.

HAI I SPENT $55 ON COPICS TODAE. LOLOLOLOLOL.

I realized, with some degree of disgust, that I am feeling accomplished from a ridiculously small amount of interpersonal communications. 3 phone calls, 2 emails, and one meeting today. Oh, and another call shall be made...oh, fine, I'll do it now.

I wonder what happened to me.

Probably on a lost track not to where I had hoped.

Talk about my cowardice should not be surprising now.

So easily lured by the easiest way out (by neglect).

Putting up a brave, mature front isn't very fun.

But not doing so is more stupid.

Current situation requires "independence" and "maturity" so the Parents would not worry.

"How is it going?" "Oh, just as usual."

...

Ah, it seems that not only have I screwed my own life up, I am also making it worse by still not being able to talk about it.

Damn that pride to the deepest reaches of the Mariana Trench.

Having The Cat with me makes me better and worse all at the same time.

Banned Heinz Mayo Advert: "Ain't you forgetting somethin'?!"

Heinz Deli Mayo Advert


The Wright Stuff on the pulled mayo commercial in question:


What LJ: furiosity said is so true:

The thing is, it's fairly obvious that the point of the ad is that if you use Heinz Deli Mayo, your creations will be indistinguishable from those prepared in authentic New York delis, so much so that even your family will mistake you for one of those dudes who work in New York delis, accent and all. It doesn't require Mummy and Daddy to explain gay people to Little Joanie unless they choose to. And if Mummy and Daddy are too dumb to work this out, damn, I wish they hadn't bred in the first place. Poor Joanie.

I don't think Heinz necessarily had to pull the commercial because of 200 complaints (since it's a small number and they spent the money on the commercial already), but hey, what do I know about big advertising businesses and their business model?

Typical Student Emotion

And here I spray my pomegranate juice all over the laptop.

Through DJ:Missamy, WP:David's logbook

New school semester:


At the first week:


At the second week:


Before the mid-term test:


During the mid-term test:


After the mid-term test:


Before the final exam:


Once know the final exam schedule:


7 days before final exam:


6 days before final exam:


5 days before final exam:


4 days before final exam:


3 days before final exam:


2 days before final exam:


1 day before final exam:


A night before final exam:


1 hour before final exam:


During the final exam:


Once walk out from the exam hall:


After the final exam, during the holiday:

cross-sprayed juice over in LJ, too.

So let's recap(itulate) a little, without chronology, with a touch of melancholy self-hating, shall we?

This is point in time is not quite the end yet, so I shall reign in the reflections for a couple more days. But ruminations are certainly permissible, I think.

I walked out of Genetics final feeling quite lost and with plenty of regret. I am done with the class—the one (real) class that I enjoyed—and I prepared far too inadequately for it. Not as inadequate as the studying I tend to do for o-chem, but the guilt is worse. They weren't difficult questions, but only being able to recall the page and recognize the questions (the same questions) without the capacity to recall the details and the actual answer sits more heavily on my conscience than walking out of a(n) (o-chem) test knowing I have failed because I had absolutely no inkling to the answer.

I probably have grown quite attached to the professor, too. He was incredibly willing to share what he knows, and will answer questions beyond what was asked. My relatively numerous (but can still be counted on one hand) number of not-relevant-to-test-material-but-related questions probably facilitated that. He's also the adorable bumble-y grandfatherly types with a good sense of humor and love of metaphors...and I think I'm somewhat more easily attached to parental figures these days.

So tired and down but I know I shouldn't be.

I just felt like I failed the professor, the parents, and the self because I didn't study enough when I bloody knew my capabilities are far from my performance today. I know I can be brilliant, and there was absolutely no excuse for getting less than 95% today because all the answers were there and available and are things I have seen and should have remembered. And from what I've seen, calculated, and went through, I don't think there's really a chance for his curve to keep my grade in the borderline A-/A range (in which case I think I have accumulated enough "extra" points for an A).

Disappointment to the world, I am.

Self-hatred? Check.

(Too consumed to even talk about the internet problem anymore)

TW, DW related FLAIL.

Three in the morning is really a bad time (or the best time) to go completely squee at the Doctor Who season 4 mid-season trailer and John Barrowman's interview, in which he talks about Scott and Torchwood season 3.

Rose looks completely kick-ass (pardon the lack of better vocabulary) and...squee, can't wait!

Stephen Moffat taking over RTD as Doctor Who's executive producer is also not disappointing. Moffat's series plotting skills have yet to be seen, but he wrote some of the very best episodes, so no complain there.

AND WHERE CAN I FIND THE READY STEADY COOK EPISODE WITH BARROWMAN?? (immediately gets distracted by David Tennant cooking)

[insert major flailing here]


(post cross-flailed)