Perhaps a Japanese saying: "only idiots get sick during summer."
...I'm an idiot.
My blasted runny, sneezy nose and the heat my cells are generating to disinfect their environment is stopping the collective being of those cells from doing commenting on a deadjournal and two fanarts.
12 June 2005
11 June 2005
Plus One More Thing
Oh, and I finished Eddie's ep10-30 of Gundam Seed Destiny. Ep 19 is now the scariest and cutest episode. Ray/Rei/Rey luv!
Ah. I found AsuKira crack 3 days ago. I was just browsing Fafner fanart...right. Who am I kidding. I was reminiscing some Uke!Kira crack I found while browsing Fafner fanart a long while back, and found crack FLASH animation XD
■ WILD SEVEN > GALLERY > FLASH > ENTER > アスランザ☆ライブ (2005.02.17)
...
And I went through my harddrive yesterday, watched/deleted around 10 Prince of Tennis and all of my Gundam Seed Destiny. Now I have around 6 gigabytes free! YAY!
Ah. I found AsuKira crack 3 days ago. I was just browsing Fafner fanart...right. Who am I kidding. I was reminiscing some Uke!Kira crack I found while browsing Fafner fanart a long while back, and found crack FLASH animation XD
■ WILD SEVEN > GALLERY > FLASH > ENTER > アスランザ☆ライブ (2005.02.17)
...
And I went through my harddrive yesterday, watched/deleted around 10 Prince of Tennis and all of my Gundam Seed Destiny. Now I have around 6 gigabytes free! YAY!
On Some Lighter Note
Let's start with this excerpt from Bangage, a not superb SasuNaru fanfiction writtin by a British, though it serves no purpose other than giving me some giggles and has nothing to do with whatever I write in this post purposely:
“In this case it means shut up and get up.” Sasuke said with mild irritation.
“Ooh, why’re you being all like… snotty?” Naruto put on a cheerleader voice poking Sasuke in the ribs.
“No reason.” Sasuke shrugged, “Do that voice again.”
“Totally no way!” Naruto cried in falsetto tones, “Get out!”
Sasuke grinned with amusement. Naruto had yet to hear his actual laughter. He’d hear a sardonic snigger now and then, but nothing that might portray any glimpse of happiness. Now he had a mission to accomplish.
“You watch too much television.” Sasuke said accusingly.
“Oh my God, shut up! That’s like way uncool, Sascake!”
“Sascake?” He opened his mouth in mock shock.
“Uchibuns Sascake!” Naruto screeched.
“Oh, now that’s just too camp to be acceptable!” Sasuke said, his smile broadening.
“How about Itchywang Sasgay?”
Sorry. Had to get that out.
Last Tuesday I went to Al's suprise graduation party at Malibu, and I had fun. Umm...basically we ate after suprising (scaring?) Al, ate, ate more (Mrs. Choi was trying to over-feed us!!), car- "racing", arcade, bumper boats, mini-golf, bumper boats, arcade, then lastly "racing" again. Let's elaborate though, shall we?
Urgh, I give up trying to make this flowing and connect and stuff. This will be choppy and I don't want to care now.
Al was funny when she saw us (instead of the birthday party she thought she was giving a ride for her friend(?) to) and backed out of the eating area we were in. It was one-something, and the invitation (that I didn't get because I probally said it wrong when Mrs. Choi called on some schoolday at 7am) asked to meet at 12:00. Her courtesy didn't fail her though, as her first things that she said after regaining her speech and said "hi" a few times was, "thanks for comming, guys."
Her mother then tried to stuff us with food. 3 large pizzas for (Me, Garris, Arnold, Jon Lee, Al [didn't eat], Richel(?), Andy, Ann, Adriana, Melissa Yuen, (some girl), Asuka, Heather Frank, Molly...is that all?) PLUS lots of nachos later on.
Racing was split into two groups: the ones with driver licenses and ones without. Ones without: Ann, Richel(?), Me, Arnold, and Andy, who actually drove to Malibu with someone else's driver license...It was kinda fun. The "I am going to break down any second" sound from the carts when turning and the disel smoke wasn't fun though.
Arcade next to the race tracks: played air hockey with Adriana after seeing Arnold beat Al & Adriana, shot dinosaurs in Jurassic Park: the Lost World, and PWN'D the guys in Tekken 4 (Al too!). The best part was me winning with a panda with pink sillicon wristbands...Later won with a bear and Garris made some commments about me prone to animal abuse, which, as I later thought, is completely wrong because I'm fighting as an animal—i'm just pro human abuse.
Some of us went to the Bumper boats while others started mini-golfing. I took the button marked with "squirt" and an arrow as a bad omen and I was right. we got very wet. The guy in charge looked bored.
Mini-golfing was short and played with any way imagined, including me hitting a ball out of the fence.
About half left, and we decided to abandon mini-golfing for..something. Ended rounding up the others for another round of bumper boats. This time, even wetter because of more people. I got one with a low angle had a great time getting people close-ranged (that particular one allowed me to shoot water straight at someone's head rather than getting them 2 boats away). Andy went in the waterfall twice and was wet, but not nearly as much as Jon, who was completely soaked to this socks. I was again glad that I wore my (very noisy) but fast-drying pants, although I didn't know there would be water-stuff in Malibu. We were cold and had to obtain heat by convection from the cement afterwards though. That wasn't fun either. The water was salty and sticky, ew. Arnold was pretty soaked and when I commented on that, he said it was my fault =) (and indeed it is, partly.)
They mentioned something about leaving then, so I went back in the main arcade to trade back my tokens which I got without knowing the DDR machines are free (with the 10 bucks tues-thurs thing), and ended up getting distracted by the DDR Extreme machine (which I played a little earlier). I dried faster after playing though. It's the lights, I tell you. The others came in when I was playing after seeing that I won't be back so soon and caught me distracted by the DDR machine =P Then I played a few games with this really good guy who crossed my path earlier on. Actually it was her girlfriend. As I finally decided to play after eating (not a very good idea) and was stepping on, her girlfriend ran on and but me off =( I wasn't too terribly upset, though the others seemed to be quite irritated by it. But that was around 14:00 or something. That guy was good though.
More arcades afterward. Watched Al and Ann play House of the dead. pretty disgusting game, really.
Arnold & Garris left as the few remaining were going to the race carts again...and I should've asked for a ride from Garris, but didn't think of it until they left because I already asked Al. Me and my one tracked mind =
Carts again: around 7 arounds or so as the sun set. Hands became numb.
The people who attended were given a gift pack from Mrs. Choi, which most people didn't get, LoL. Hmm... got a ride home from Al and her sister (?) Liz, getting home around 21:00.
The next two days were plagued from sore arm muscles from driving that cart and a lump on my spine from bumping against the hard seat so much x___O;; I'm still a bit sore on my left forearm (the one doing the most turning) and the lump (probally a bruise under all the skin and fat) stil hurts if disturbed.
Yeah. Cold shoulder when I relayed my day to parents. =
GAAH...this took 61 minutes to type making now 01:32 x_X;;;;;;;
“In this case it means shut up and get up.” Sasuke said with mild irritation.
“Ooh, why’re you being all like… snotty?” Naruto put on a cheerleader voice poking Sasuke in the ribs.
“No reason.” Sasuke shrugged, “Do that voice again.”
“Totally no way!” Naruto cried in falsetto tones, “Get out!”
Sasuke grinned with amusement. Naruto had yet to hear his actual laughter. He’d hear a sardonic snigger now and then, but nothing that might portray any glimpse of happiness. Now he had a mission to accomplish.
“You watch too much television.” Sasuke said accusingly.
“Oh my God, shut up! That’s like way uncool, Sascake!”
“Sascake?” He opened his mouth in mock shock.
“Uchibuns Sascake!” Naruto screeched.
“Oh, now that’s just too camp to be acceptable!” Sasuke said, his smile broadening.
“How about Itchywang Sasgay?”
Sorry. Had to get that out.
Last Tuesday I went to Al's suprise graduation party at Malibu, and I had fun. Umm...basically we ate after suprising (scaring?) Al, ate, ate more (Mrs. Choi was trying to over-feed us!!), car- "racing", arcade, bumper boats, mini-golf, bumper boats, arcade, then lastly "racing" again. Let's elaborate though, shall we?
Urgh, I give up trying to make this flowing and connect and stuff. This will be choppy and I don't want to care now.
Al was funny when she saw us (instead of the birthday party she thought she was giving a ride for her friend(?) to) and backed out of the eating area we were in. It was one-something, and the invitation (that I didn't get because I probally said it wrong when Mrs. Choi called on some schoolday at 7am) asked to meet at 12:00. Her courtesy didn't fail her though, as her first things that she said after regaining her speech and said "hi" a few times was, "thanks for comming, guys."
Her mother then tried to stuff us with food. 3 large pizzas for (Me, Garris, Arnold, Jon Lee, Al [didn't eat], Richel(?), Andy, Ann, Adriana, Melissa Yuen, (some girl), Asuka, Heather Frank, Molly...is that all?) PLUS lots of nachos later on.
Racing was split into two groups: the ones with driver licenses and ones without. Ones without: Ann, Richel(?), Me, Arnold, and Andy, who actually drove to Malibu with someone else's driver license...It was kinda fun. The "I am going to break down any second" sound from the carts when turning and the disel smoke wasn't fun though.
Arcade next to the race tracks: played air hockey with Adriana after seeing Arnold beat Al & Adriana, shot dinosaurs in Jurassic Park: the Lost World, and PWN'D the guys in Tekken 4 (Al too!). The best part was me winning with a panda with pink sillicon wristbands...Later won with a bear and Garris made some commments about me prone to animal abuse, which, as I later thought, is completely wrong because I'm fighting as an animal—i'm just pro human abuse.
Some of us went to the Bumper boats while others started mini-golfing. I took the button marked with "squirt" and an arrow as a bad omen and I was right. we got very wet. The guy in charge looked bored.
Mini-golfing was short and played with any way imagined, including me hitting a ball out of the fence.
About half left, and we decided to abandon mini-golfing for..something. Ended rounding up the others for another round of bumper boats. This time, even wetter because of more people. I got one with a low angle had a great time getting people close-ranged (that particular one allowed me to shoot water straight at someone's head rather than getting them 2 boats away). Andy went in the waterfall twice and was wet, but not nearly as much as Jon, who was completely soaked to this socks. I was again glad that I wore my (very noisy) but fast-drying pants, although I didn't know there would be water-stuff in Malibu. We were cold and had to obtain heat by convection from the cement afterwards though. That wasn't fun either. The water was salty and sticky, ew. Arnold was pretty soaked and when I commented on that, he said it was my fault =) (and indeed it is, partly.)
They mentioned something about leaving then, so I went back in the main arcade to trade back my tokens which I got without knowing the DDR machines are free (with the 10 bucks tues-thurs thing), and ended up getting distracted by the DDR Extreme machine (which I played a little earlier). I dried faster after playing though. It's the lights, I tell you. The others came in when I was playing after seeing that I won't be back so soon and caught me distracted by the DDR machine =P Then I played a few games with this really good guy who crossed my path earlier on. Actually it was her girlfriend. As I finally decided to play after eating (not a very good idea) and was stepping on, her girlfriend ran on and but me off =( I wasn't too terribly upset, though the others seemed to be quite irritated by it. But that was around 14:00 or something. That guy was good though.
More arcades afterward. Watched Al and Ann play House of the dead. pretty disgusting game, really.
Arnold & Garris left as the few remaining were going to the race carts again...and I should've asked for a ride from Garris, but didn't think of it until they left because I already asked Al. Me and my one tracked mind =
Carts again: around 7 arounds or so as the sun set. Hands became numb.
The people who attended were given a gift pack from Mrs. Choi, which most people didn't get, LoL. Hmm... got a ride home from Al and her sister (?) Liz, getting home around 21:00.
The next two days were plagued from sore arm muscles from driving that cart and a lump on my spine from bumping against the hard seat so much x___O;; I'm still a bit sore on my left forearm (the one doing the most turning) and the lump (probally a bruise under all the skin and fat) stil hurts if disturbed.
Yeah. Cold shoulder when I relayed my day to parents. =
GAAH...this took 61 minutes to type making now 01:32 x_X;;;;;;;
10 June 2005
Con't From The Post Before Last
This will not be anywhere as angry as...nevermind. This will be a ranting and raving post.
Mother came in just after I typed "as" and questioned me about my accomplishments in serious work so far, meaning if I have done math (which slipped out half way) and studied for SATs. I told her I won't want to do anything until two weeks into the break, and she took it as me not planning to do anything. I am near my cursing point. She noted my trip to China (I retaliate by the mere 10 day's I'll be gone) and it has been two weeks (Of summer, I was guessing? I challenged her by looking up the days I've been out of school and irritably told her I only took the SAT IIs last week. She left, leaving the door open; I closed it to stop the draft from my window, and soon afterwards she opens it (quite violently) and said, "if you hate studying so much then don't go to school next year," and bangs the door shut as I shouted, "It's not as if I don't plan to study." Oh, she said that she left me to myself for a long time already too, which I knew she was going to say at some point.
That is B's tension with M. B thinks she had already has mentioned this, but whenever B tells M & F about her fun times, B would either get a cold shoulder or a perfect example of a killjoy (SAT vocab word!) by telling B to study more.
F still has a bad attitude towards G. He always act annoyed and irritated at G's request for something, most recently this evening when G didn't want so much spaghetti and F helped switch plates, only to place it on the table quite harshly. G avoids F by either hanging out with her friends or hiding in our room (as much as B!!). Perhaps unrelated, but at 22:00 G wanted to see a show, B turned it on, and after a few minutes G told B to turn it off and muttered about how she couldn't hear (she is hearing impaired) and B turned it off but didn't turn it up. Did B do wrong? The room would've been very loud (with B playing Sims 2) and hearing-damaging to B. G is the kind who would want others to take hints, and the more B thinks about this, the more she thinks it a hint to turn it up (despite it being pretty loud to B already). Also, B thinks G is sick, but G doesn't admit it, and this morning B woke with a sore throat. B should've drank some medicine-type drink today, but didn't. B wonders if it's the virus or something else that caused the sore throat.
B & F's relations are better now, now that B does not have school and talks to F about F's primary obsession nowadays: Armageddon and prophecies. Though F did scold B about always trying to do things quickly, make mistakes, have to do it over, and end up needing to do it again. B was trying to type on the keypad quickly for some password setting. Ah, and F bought a DVD burner today from newegg.com. USD$57.9 with tax and shipping. B finally will get to unleash her pyromaniacal tendencies and burn stuff off her computer.
Lighter incidents after the break (must shower).
The above line is just for L, LoL.
Mother came in just after I typed "as" and questioned me about my accomplishments in serious work so far, meaning if I have done math (which slipped out half way) and studied for SATs. I told her I won't want to do anything until two weeks into the break, and she took it as me not planning to do anything. I am near my cursing point. She noted my trip to China (I retaliate by the mere 10 day's I'll be gone) and it has been two weeks (Of summer, I was guessing? I challenged her by looking up the days I've been out of school and irritably told her I only took the SAT IIs last week. She left, leaving the door open; I closed it to stop the draft from my window, and soon afterwards she opens it (quite violently) and said, "if you hate studying so much then don't go to school next year," and bangs the door shut as I shouted, "It's not as if I don't plan to study." Oh, she said that she left me to myself for a long time already too, which I knew she was going to say at some point.
That is B's tension with M. B thinks she had already has mentioned this, but whenever B tells M & F about her fun times, B would either get a cold shoulder or a perfect example of a killjoy (SAT vocab word!) by telling B to study more.
F still has a bad attitude towards G. He always act annoyed and irritated at G's request for something, most recently this evening when G didn't want so much spaghetti and F helped switch plates, only to place it on the table quite harshly. G avoids F by either hanging out with her friends or hiding in our room (as much as B!!). Perhaps unrelated, but at 22:00 G wanted to see a show, B turned it on, and after a few minutes G told B to turn it off and muttered about how she couldn't hear (she is hearing impaired) and B turned it off but didn't turn it up. Did B do wrong? The room would've been very loud (with B playing Sims 2) and hearing-damaging to B. G is the kind who would want others to take hints, and the more B thinks about this, the more she thinks it a hint to turn it up (despite it being pretty loud to B already). Also, B thinks G is sick, but G doesn't admit it, and this morning B woke with a sore throat. B should've drank some medicine-type drink today, but didn't. B wonders if it's the virus or something else that caused the sore throat.
B & F's relations are better now, now that B does not have school and talks to F about F's primary obsession nowadays: Armageddon and prophecies. Though F did scold B about always trying to do things quickly, make mistakes, have to do it over, and end up needing to do it again. B was trying to type on the keypad quickly for some password setting. Ah, and F bought a DVD burner today from newegg.com. USD$57.9 with tax and shipping. B finally will get to unleash her pyromaniacal tendencies and burn stuff off her computer.
Lighter incidents after the break (must shower).
The above line is just for L, LoL.
BlogThis: Shotacon or not?
Interesting discussion on whether Loveless by Kouga Yun is shota...with definations and such. Hmm... and I lied about continuing my last post...
WARNING: BL, adult-child relationship.
■ Loveless (Raburesu), Shotacon or not?
WARNING: BL, adult-child relationship.
■ Loveless (Raburesu), Shotacon or not?
08 June 2005
Summer.
It has been perhaps a little too long since I blogged—properly blogged with sembalence of real content. Only since May 27, but still too long, considering the arrival of free time and the amount of "things" I want to leave behind in words.
Since 27 May, I've been meaning to say this to people who responded: thank you thank you thank you thank you. B is touched and moved and wants to give E and L and A and J hugs (even if the comments went strange and strayed from the original post, as chains of comments usually go).
The conclusion of that episode of my life is that I...I can't find the words now. I'll continue this tomorrow.
Since 27 May, I've been meaning to say this to people who responded: thank you thank you thank you thank you. B is touched and moved and wants to give E and L and A and J hugs (even if the comments went strange and strayed from the original post, as chains of comments usually go).
The conclusion of that episode of my life is that I...I can't find the words now. I'll continue this tomorrow.
04 June 2005
31 May 2005
Happy Belated Birthday, Kakeru!
Out of all the excitement stress, I had completely forgotten about the 2nd Anniversary of Kakeru's opening~ Haha, I had a dumb first post.
Anyways. I will get working another layout or fix the defective menu this summer. Absolutely.
(And what horrible grammar my Blog name is has...)
Anyways. I will get working another layout or fix the defective menu this summer. Absolutely.
(And what horrible grammar my Blog name is has...)
FEAR THE NINJA!!!!111!!!1one11eleven!!
(More angst and gushing later. So sit tight. But for now...)
I just saw the Cartoon Network NARUTO preview (from narutofan.com...ask if you really want to see the preview). Apparently, NaRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUto is supposed to be feared by his classmates while wanting to be the HEAD NINJA. FOR CENTURIES there were peace, and a legend says that an evil spirit is trapped within a young boy...AND SCHOOL IS TOUGH. Oh, no, they hadn't graduated...and "everyone's a bully..."
WTF?
Now I finally truely understand why we screamed 'screw cartoon network' when we were taking the NARUTO group photo in FanimeCon...haha.
I thought they couldn't screw up Naruto's name too badly since Naruto is sometimes pronounced with a long u, but the announcer outdid my imagination.
FEAR naRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUto!
I just saw the Cartoon Network NARUTO preview (from narutofan.com...ask if you really want to see the preview). Apparently, NaRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUto is supposed to be feared by his classmates while wanting to be the HEAD NINJA. FOR CENTURIES there were peace, and a legend says that an evil spirit is trapped within a young boy...AND SCHOOL IS TOUGH. Oh, no, they hadn't graduated...and "everyone's a bully..."
WTF?
Now I finally truely understand why we screamed 'screw cartoon network' when we were taking the NARUTO group photo in FanimeCon...haha.
I thought they couldn't screw up Naruto's name too badly since Naruto is sometimes pronounced with a long u, but the announcer outdid my imagination.
FEAR naRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUto!
27 May 2005
StressxExhaustionxAnnoyance
The topic seems like some HunterxHunter episode name.
I: the way my mother talks to me then completely turns into a different person when talking to my cat disgusts me.
I: (i know it's because I demand attention, but i don't care. at least i want to have the utmost care and attention from one person.)
I: i should be talking on the blog instead
Amy: LoL if you want :)
Amy: i'm still here. waiting for brother to finish what he's doing :)
I: heh.
Amy: but yeah, i think i kinda know where you're coming from... parents are strange creatures TT;
Amy: ... i want my keys back. :[
I: i don't know...both have been weird lately...unfriendly atmosphere, as if.
I: aw
I: (pat pat)
Amy: i could very sneakily probably take them back now but eh i guess i won't.
Amy: LoL thanks
Amy: hm? both your parents to you?
I: everyone to everyone.
Amy: or each other? or EVERYONE? LoL
Amy: ahh
I: ex me to grandma and vice versa
Amy: all that time of the month?
Amy: *nod*
I: LoL. include grandma AND father?!
I: LOL
Amy: hehehehe
Amy: ^^
I: and i'm too friggin tense and worried and tired to confront them to it.
I: I need to yell at them though.
Amy: :(
Yeah. Fuck. I don't know what happened to our goddamn relationships between family members. First there's this thing with Father and Grandmother. F (Father) dislikes G (Grandmother) because she isn't acting in her most active, aware self, G is not happy here because of the attitude F gives her (however F says that G's giving attitude to F, this is what I saw and infer with my own eyes) and because our food is not salty enough (G thinks F is doing this on purpose). F has been on a bad mood for quite some time and hasn't quite recovered to his usual self. It fluctuates from bad to worse. F is impatient towards G, I (B) yells at F, F says it's because he doesn't care anymore. I don't like his 'not caring' if it also means bad attitude. Mother (M) and F argued over something this morning, but when B asked F (in an objective vioce, no less), F told B to ask M. Why won't F just give B a fucking straight answer?! He has been doing that quite a lot lately. Maybe it's the prostate thing Ms.Ward talked about. But I think F is still too young for that. Close, but still not quite, I would like to believe.
F & B's relationships have been tense since she got a 1970 in SAT I. No, it went further than that, but I don't feel like digging up old stuff again. BTW, B got 2040 the second time. Dropped 30 in writing (but same essay score), raised 60 and 40 on Critical Reading and Math respectively. B has been on edge and stressed (though talking to her or seeing her would not tell you that she is) and frigging tired since forever, and especially so during this last week or so. AP projects, apparently. Her hand has been shaking more these days too, plainly visible now. It frightens her. So B has been on edge, and had barely been able to control herself from swearing in flying colors to M & F. There were times when B wants to scream at G for bothering her at the worst possible moments too, but not nearly as often as the other case. B, in her little self-centered world, is thinking that her parents are caring less...but caring more. Less on her friggin useless feelings and stress and emotional fluctuations (it's always B's fault anyways) and more on her SAT failures. Just this one year, spend time to do more math is what M hangs on her mouth whenever B begins to talk about her more colorful times, usually not school related, AND GODDAMN IT, DOES SHE WANT B TO SAY HOW BLOODY STRESSFUL IS IT TO DEAL WITH SCHOOL AND CLUBS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND HOBBIES AT THE SAME FRIGGIN TIME AND STILL EXCELL IN EVERYTHING?! B is not a genius, nor is she obsessed with academics, nor is she hard working. And she wants to beg F & M to stop thinking their daughter is able to do all that and still get all As and not to nag her, but it will break her heart to say that. Really, B doesn't want F & M to worry. She hates to worry people.
It's getting late, and B still has things to do. B wants to rant more and vent her anger and frustration and stress and everything that she has been bottling up and smiling, grinning, joking, laughing through out. OUT.
B wants to cry and scream.
I: the way my mother talks to me then completely turns into a different person when talking to my cat disgusts me.
I: (i know it's because I demand attention, but i don't care. at least i want to have the utmost care and attention from one person.)
I: i should be talking on the blog instead
Amy: LoL if you want :)
Amy: i'm still here. waiting for brother to finish what he's doing :)
I: heh.
Amy: but yeah, i think i kinda know where you're coming from... parents are strange creatures TT;
Amy: ... i want my keys back. :[
I: i don't know...both have been weird lately...unfriendly atmosphere, as if.
I: aw
I: (pat pat)
Amy: i could very sneakily probably take them back now but eh i guess i won't.
Amy: LoL thanks
Amy: hm? both your parents to you?
I: everyone to everyone.
Amy: or each other? or EVERYONE? LoL
Amy: ahh
I: ex me to grandma and vice versa
Amy: all that time of the month?
Amy: *nod*
I: LoL. include grandma AND father?!
I: LOL
Amy: hehehehe
Amy: ^^
I: and i'm too friggin tense and worried and tired to confront them to it.
I: I need to yell at them though.
Amy: :(
Yeah. Fuck. I don't know what happened to our goddamn relationships between family members. First there's this thing with Father and Grandmother. F (Father) dislikes G (Grandmother) because she isn't acting in her most active, aware self, G is not happy here because of the attitude F gives her (however F says that G's giving attitude to F, this is what I saw and infer with my own eyes) and because our food is not salty enough (G thinks F is doing this on purpose). F has been on a bad mood for quite some time and hasn't quite recovered to his usual self. It fluctuates from bad to worse. F is impatient towards G, I (B) yells at F, F says it's because he doesn't care anymore. I don't like his 'not caring' if it also means bad attitude. Mother (M) and F argued over something this morning, but when B asked F (in an objective vioce, no less), F told B to ask M. Why won't F just give B a fucking straight answer?! He has been doing that quite a lot lately. Maybe it's the prostate thing Ms.Ward talked about. But I think F is still too young for that. Close, but still not quite, I would like to believe.
F & B's relationships have been tense since she got a 1970 in SAT I. No, it went further than that, but I don't feel like digging up old stuff again. BTW, B got 2040 the second time. Dropped 30 in writing (but same essay score), raised 60 and 40 on Critical Reading and Math respectively. B has been on edge and stressed (though talking to her or seeing her would not tell you that she is) and frigging tired since forever, and especially so during this last week or so. AP projects, apparently. Her hand has been shaking more these days too, plainly visible now. It frightens her. So B has been on edge, and had barely been able to control herself from swearing in flying colors to M & F. There were times when B wants to scream at G for bothering her at the worst possible moments too, but not nearly as often as the other case. B, in her little self-centered world, is thinking that her parents are caring less...but caring more. Less on her friggin useless feelings and stress and emotional fluctuations (it's always B's fault anyways) and more on her SAT failures. Just this one year, spend time to do more math is what M hangs on her mouth whenever B begins to talk about her more colorful times, usually not school related, AND GODDAMN IT, DOES SHE WANT B TO SAY HOW BLOODY STRESSFUL IS IT TO DEAL WITH SCHOOL AND CLUBS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND HOBBIES AT THE SAME FRIGGIN TIME AND STILL EXCELL IN EVERYTHING?! B is not a genius, nor is she obsessed with academics, nor is she hard working. And she wants to beg F & M to stop thinking their daughter is able to do all that and still get all As and not to nag her, but it will break her heart to say that. Really, B doesn't want F & M to worry. She hates to worry people.
It's getting late, and B still has things to do. B wants to rant more and vent her anger and frustration and stress and everything that she has been bottling up and smiling, grinning, joking, laughing through out. OUT.
B wants to cry and scream.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)