Forward - The building process of a Noah Ark

-----Original Message-----
From: Zina Khaykina
Sent: Monday, June 27, 2005 9:14 AM
To: Everyone at GLP; Everyone at Drozda; Everyone at Veverka
Subject: The building process


In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
very populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.

Build an Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good
humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to
build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights." Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in
his yard-- but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I need a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for
a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal
Board for a decision.

Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights
group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their
will. They argued that the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the
EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an
environmental impact study on Your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most
of the people who want to work. The trade-unions say I can't use my
sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you are not going to
destroy the world?".

"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it!"


Matthew Damos, P.E.
Water Agency Engineer

SONOMA COUNTY WATER AGENCY
2227 Capricorn Way, Suite 108
P.O. Box 11628
Santa Rosa, CA 95406
(707) 547-1983 Phone
(707) 524-3782 Fax
mdamos@scwa.ca.gov