Jibun Nitsuite (About Oneself)

I'm spamming again.

In an attempt to save some rants about the last post, I switch to analyzing myself, which is where this sprouted from (like a bean!)(Think FMA or D.Gray-Man! hahah...)(Moyashi! <--beansprout!)

Some time ago, I told my parents that I don't really social because I have nothing to say. It's not really true. I can be silly and chatty. But when in a gathering, an automatic filter system activates and only selecting those few sentences with a significant contribution to the conversation, whether it be intelligent or not. One pessimistic rendition of that would be saying "the reason I don't talk much is because I'm not smart enough," but that's really me trying to kick my easily inflatable ego to a corner and cutting it off before it rampages. Message boards are like that. You see so many kinds of people...and it helps identifying how I present and treat people.

I still don't know wether I take jokes well or no...Parents sometimes think I take somethings too seriously...

Somehow, in the bathroom, I was thinking about gossips too. Oh, from the little piece of new information regarding the family who lives in my Fourth Aunt's house next door. I finally got to see Alice's boyfriend—they were outside the gates talking or somthing when I saw them. And once afterwards. My only memory of him, as I've only allowed myself a glance (the way they were hiding from the house's view tends to not want others know/stare), was that he is tall. Alice has to raise her arms pretty high to reach his ears, LoL. Hmm...That lead to thinking about gossips, how I really hate this current relationship with their family, which lead to thinking that it's my fault that I display this antisocial stance, which lead to the third paragraph of this post, which tend me thinking about my disinterest with gossips and relationships is part of the reason I just don't have a lot to say with my cousins (or many of my female classmates, for that matter) along with the whole deal with displaying (in which evey way avaliable) oneself to attract a male and all that... I don't think that made much sense. Anyways. I don't quite feel the need to "get a guy" or whatnot (not because guys flock to me, but because I simply don't think anyone will want this creature) and I feel that I won't want other people to be cooing about how cute my relationship is, so I don't bother cooing about how cute other couples are. If I don't want something done to me, I won't do it to others. Simply that. I tend to avoid couples because of embarassment too, but I'm working on that ^^;; I don't want to be a "lightbulb," as the Chinese calls someone who gets in the way of a couple.

Hmm...I guess, in summary, my bashfulness from dealing with relationships and sillines (I don't want others to think I'm annoying ´Д´) in general marks me as aloof and antisocial and quiet and mean and strict and too serious?!°Д°

Am I trying too hard to be not annoying in a silly or rabid way that it's annoying?! AAAAHhhhhhh....


That's why I want everybody to diss me in my yearbook next year...It's difficult to diss someone if you don't know them, and I want to know how difficult to survive with I am, though this 'favor' would probably make people hate me more, Haha...I didn't even ask the people I don't really know or talk to to sign my yearbook this year because I hate seeing the commercialized "stay sweet" or "have a great summer" or any similiar variants that sort of scream "I don't know you, but since you're desperate for popularity and since you asked..." I liked Meiko's entry, which is honest in saying "I don't really know you, but there's next year!" in different words. I'd like to get to know her better too, as I had some prejudice against her in the beginning ^^;;;; By compareson, Sylvia's is longer, but I feel more alienated after reading it because it feels like a formula.

Amy still hasn't signed my yearbook, nor have I signed hers yet. LoL.